Volume 3, Issue 02

What's Stopping You

Is there something you want to change in your life, that “for whatever reason” you just can’t seem to get going on? Do you have a great idea, but just aren’t acting on it? Chances are you are struggling with a very common condition called Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real – F.E.A.R.

This condition can be so elusive that we don’t even realize that we are suffering from it. We convince ourselves that we aren’t moving, or achieving because of some external force that we can’t control.

I had a client a number of years ago, who was very unhappy at work. She loved the job, and the people she worked with, but didn’t think she was being fairly paid for the amount of work she was expected to do. When I asked what was preventing her from asking for a raise, she offered a list of reasons that on the surface sounded reasonable, but truth be known, had nothing to do with why she wasn’t “asking”.

After a little coaching, it didn’t take her long to realize that she was suffering from F.E.A.R. To help her understand what was really happening, I asked her to fill in the blank on the following sentence. “I want to ask my boss for a raise but I scare myself by IMAGINING he’ll say _____and he’ll be _____ with me for asking. She laughed and said, I want to ask my boss for a raise and I scare myself by IMAGINING he’ll say NO and he’ll be ANGRY with me for asking.

The key word in her statement was IMAGINING. She was imagining how he might respond, and her imagination was preventing her from asking.

To help her move through her fear I asked her to IMAGINE the positive opposite. Her new statement read like this. “I want to ask my boss for a raise and I imagine he’ll be pleased that I came to him to discuss my performance and a possible change in my salary.” WOW! she got it. The outcome of her conversation wasn’t nearly as important to her as actually finding the courage to “ask” for what she wanted.

The moral of this story is this. Seeing as you get to choose how your "Fantasized Experiences" turn out, why not choose an experience that will allow to you "act" on what it is you want in your life. By the way – my client got the raise.

IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM F.E.A.R., here’s how you can get out of suffering and start moving forward.

Make a list of the all the things you want “to do” but currently aren’t.
Fill in the blanks in the following sentence for each of the things you want to do
I want to _______________ and scare myself by IMAGINING ____________________

Now rewrite the same sentence and replace your Imagined outcome with its positive opposite.