Volume 2, Issue 10

The Artful Conversation

Have you ever been sitting in a public place and felt overwhelmed by the sound of all the voices buzzing like bees around a hive? - trying so hard to recognize a word or phrase that you became lost in a maze of conversation.

A recent experience at a social event started me thinking. We spend a lot of time talking, I wonder how much is actually being said and what is really being heard? Are we having real conversations with the people in our lives?

I became curious about what we are unable or unwilling to talk about, with our spouses, colleagues, children, friends. I wondered how different our lives would be if we could have real conversations with these people.

I had a theory and decided to test it by entering into my first real conversation. Hard to believe after all these years, but I did it. I found the courage to speak my truth. I approached the subject from a place of non-judgment, fear, blame or anger and it was the purest conversation I’ve ever experienced. What I discovered was that my courage to speak up, opened the way for the other person to be courageous too. At the end, there were no hurt or bad feelings just a willingness on both sides to see and do things a little differently.

A real conversation requires that we first become honest with ourselves – no easy task. How you say? First we have the conversation with ourselves - not to prepare for the response, rather to become aware of how we avoid things, tell small lies, and convince ourselves that ours is the only reality. Steven Covey has said “seek to understand before seeking to be understood”. From my perspective that is the first covenant of a real conversation. However in seeking to understand, I mean, seek to understand thyself before seeking to be understood by someone else.

An Artful Conversation requires us to clear the way within before venturing to share our thoughts and feelings with another.