Volume 2, Issue 1

HAPPY NEW YOU

It’s 2006, and I couldn’t wait to get started with my Happy New Me plan. I began by putting all my 2005 files in archival boxes. It felt great, to move and store last year’s material. Then, moved on to preparing new file folders - complete with labels, reorganizing my desk, putting away books I’d read, and updating my address book – this took about 4 hours, and when I was done, the sense of accomplishment was undeniable.

So that made me think! If organizing my physical space could make me feel so unencumbered and happy, what would happen if I made some changes in my head space. I’m very aware of how our internal programs* work.

*(Internal programs help us do positive and useful things like walking, talking, brushing our teeth, etc. We don’t think about how to do these things, we just do them. We also have programs that are triggered by people, places and situations – that cause us to react in ways that don’t serve our highest interest).

Focussed on my Happy New Me plan, I committed to being my best and feeling my best by keeping my working space organized. I also promised myself that I’d be more conscious about my automatic responses to people and circumstances, and would introduce a different strategy for dealing with the situations that have tended to bring me down. How clear everything seemed.

Of course, whenever moments of clarity strike, an opportunity to test my conviction will present itself. Sure enough, within a couple of days the telephone rang. My oldest daughter was calling with her “ISSUE OF THE WEEK.” Our history with “ISSUES OF THE WEEK” hasn’t been great, we would get off topic, and the call would almost always end badly with her saying “you don’t understand.”

As soon as she said, “Mum” in a tone I’ve come to know well, I believed I knew what she was going to say, and how she would react to my responses……….. and that’s when I realized my “dealing with difficult daughter” response program had been triggered.

Right then I stopped it! My next thought was “how do you want this call to end?” I wanted things to be different this time, so a different approach would be required. I decided to listen to everything she had to say without interruption, I wouldn’t make any assumptions, I’d ask questions, try to understand her point of view, and, when invited, offer a different perspective.

It worked and I got the outcome I wanted. My daughter thanked me for listening, said she felt better and we both hung up very pleased with our conversation.

This is going to be a very happy new me kind of year.

Now what about you? How many of your internal programs are negatively affecting your relationships and daily experiences? Are you aware of the impact they are having on your life? Are you willing to do what is necessary to do to make things better?

If you are, the following six suggestions will help you turn things around:

Be aware of how many negative reactions you experience in one day (write them down in your journal). How do they make you feel?
Commit to “thinking” before reacting - Ask yourself what outcome do I want to achieve by my words or actions?
In the moment, do or say something different – Be positive
Check in to see how you feel about the change
Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t quite get it the first time
Go back to #2 and start again.
Until next month - Happy New You!