Volume 1, Issue 14

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

I’m sure many of you have heard the saying “never assume” or you’ll make an “Ass out of you and me.” Well this month we’ll focus our attention on the potential damage that can be caused when we make assumptions, as we explore Don Miguel Ruiz’s third agreement:

•1. Be Impeccable with your Word

•2. Don’t take anything personally

•3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

•4. Always do your best.

Just a few weeks ago, a relationship of mine was temporarily bruised, when a friend made a very big assumption about me.

Without getting into the gritty details, she became upset about something that I had done, and, instead of asking what my motivation was, she assumed that she knew, told me what she thought about my actions and, to top it all off said because she was so disappointed with me, we couldn’t be friends in the same way again.

I have to admit, I was surprised and for a moment hurt by her verbal assault, it triggered my old defence patterns. And then, in almost the same moment, the Four Agreements popped into my head. Thankfully I had a resource available to me that would be very useful in this situation, and I used it.

I responded by making sure that I was impeccable with my word – I didn’t say anything that would exacerbate the situation. Rather than taking her words personally, I told myself that what she was saying was colored by her experiences and her view of the world – she was in essence, mind reading. And, lastly I didn’t make assumptions about what was motivating her reaction, instead I asked her a couple of questions to get a better understanding of what was on her mind and then calmly explained what had motivated my behaviour – my goal was to avoid any further misunderstanding.

It worked! Once she had all the information, she was able to see the situation differently, and I better understood why my behaviour had caused such a strong reaction.

I learned a lot from this experience, and I think she did too. Did this story resonate with you?

EXERCISE

If you are mind reading your way through life, September would be a great month to make a change - commit to four weeks of living assumption free.

Be conscious of how often you “mind read” the why in the behaviour of someone else. Seek clarity, ask questions. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings. Living by this one agreement will contribute significantly to a change in the quality of your relationships.

Next month we’ll close out the series with “Always do you best.”