Volume 1, Issue 10

Lost in Translation

A few weeks ago, I was encouraging my youngest daughter to wear a jacket on what felt to me to be a very cool day. I wanted her to dress appropriately. Simple request right? Wrong! Before I realized what was happening our discussion had escalated into a 45 minute debate, covering a variety of subjects, none of which had anything to do with jackets! It soon became clear that in spite of my good intentions, my communication had gotten Lost in Translation.

Thinking back on how our “little talk” could have taken such a turn, I realized that as skilled as I thought I was in communicating, my emotional connection to my daughter and my “mom’s always know best” attitude had gotten in the way. She had tried to tell me that I wasn’t listening to what she was saying. The truth was her words were the only thing I was focused on. In the heat of the debate I had forgotten that words only make up 7% of communication. If I’d been paying attention to the drastic change in the tone of her voice – 38% of communication, and her animated body language - 55% of communication, our conversation might have ended on a happier note. Alas I had fallen into the all too familiar trap of seeking to be understood before seeking to understand.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that got so lost in translation you still don’t know what happened? Could it be that like me, you were only focused on the words being spoken?

I’ve since reminded myself that if the words are the content of the message, then the postures and gestures, expressions and tone of voice are the context in which the message is embedded, and together they make the meaning of the communication.

In other words, when you’re having a conversation:

Be clear about how you’d like it to end, for both parties.
Listen with the intention to understand their point of view
Pay attention to their responses with your eyes and your ears. If the conversation isn’t going quite the way you hoped, make adjustments to get it back on track.
Act on the principle that the meaning of the communication is the response that you get.
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.
Peter F. Drucker